Two broken humans

The problem with relationships, is that it involves two people.And the problem with people, is that we are all broken humans.

Love is gentle, love is kind, love is amazing, love is all encompassing. Love is perfect, but we are not.

I used to believe that love conquers all. And it does. Divine love conquers all. The love of God conquers all. That is a love that is willing to die for us.

We, broken, hurt humans, we have a problem with love. We expect to get more than we give. We have a picture of love, an idea of what love is supposed to be. We want a romantic comedy, we want Hugh Grant and Sandra Bullock to fall in love in the streets of some romantic city and then everything should magically work out, because, you know, love conquers all!

Only, its not like that. We are broken humans, we each have our own drama and hurt and a truckload of baggage.We each come with a dream, and an idea of what we want love to be, but in reality we are expecting a unicorn.

Sadly, there is no such thing as a unicorn. As life wears on, we learn that the divide between our romantic comedy and the reality is getting bigger and bigger. We have to make a decision of the relationship is worth the effort of finding the middle ground. And it is effort. We, broken humans that we are, have to make an effort, every time.

The closest we can get to "love conquers all" is to work hard, every single day to understand, and hopefully channel the Divine love of God.

As we say in Afrikaans: Niks wat die moeite werd is, is nie moeite nie.

Muscle Memory and Music

Today I sang in a choir performance, for an hour long, on a piece of music I only practiced once before this year. I think it went quite well. I did sing it years ago, and knew it well then. I just didn't think I'd be able to hit the high notes.

The other day I was playing violin (not very well, but I enjoy playing anyway) and I stumbled across a piece that I played, in a slightly different version, a long time ago. While my fingers were rusty overall, the moment I got to the familiar piece, it was like it clicked into action and my fingers found their way on their own. The muscle memory operated and did its own thing.

There are few things that get so ingrained in your life that it becomes natural to do it. This kind of thing makes me quite happy. The fact that doing something so intricate has become a natural part of me, as well as the fact that I enjoyed something enough to do it enough times to turn it into muscle memory. Makes you wonder why I ever stopped!

Stuff that completely fills up your mind

I did not grow up a sporty person, I always considered myself more of a "culture vulture". But as the years walked on, I became more and more interested in active stuff, sporty stuff, if you will. I still don't play netball, but I dabble in things like mountain biking, rock climbing, surfing, boxing.

Currently I am doing an 3 month boxing fitness class and I am loving it! This morning I had coffee with a good friend and one of the trainers of the class, and we talked about what a mind set it is to concentrate on your next move, and combination of punches as called out by the coach. All of this while doing everything else, like keeping your hands in the place where they protect you and keeping your stance right.

I think the secret is that when you do something like boxing (and possibly dancing) and a number of other sports, it consumes your mind to such a level that you forget to get tired. For me one of the best things about all the activities mentioned above, is that they fill up your entire mine. If you don't pay attention to what you are doing, you will get yourself into a fix of some sort.

These type of activities, to me, are some of the most relaxing things available. For that while, you completely exhaust your body, but at the same time engage your mind in the moment, so you don't have time to dwell on the past or the future. The wonderful after effect is a blissful rest afterwards, the feeling that you achieved something, used your body and mind, and often, made some memories too!

Good habit # 3 Remember the essentials

Keys, wallet, cell phone, glasses

How often do we rush around madly in search of one or more of the above? It makes you late and puts you in a bad mood. Knowing where these are will generally make life a little less rushed in the morning and bring a bit of peace into a life that can get quite chaotic at times.

The thing is not that we forget where we put them, but actually that we never remembered where we put them. When we enter the house on a regular day, we don’t think what we do with the keys, it just goes down on the kitchen counter when we put the groceries down, or onto the bed with the jacket that is no longer worn. This morning I found my car keys in the pocket of yesterdays jeans!

So the first step in avoiding some additional craziness, would be to think where we actually put the keys / wallet / cell phone / glasses. If we make a conscious effort of taking note where we put it, it makes life a lot easier.

Another way around the problem, is to find a dedicated place for these things. My dad uses his nightstand. Some people have a key rack with a lot of little hooks. At my previous house I had a fruit bowl that never had any fruit in it, but it was my go-to place for leaving the essentials. Whatever works for you and fits into your life

Whether you just remember what you did with your keys, or whether you leave it in the fruitbowl, if you do this for a week, two weeks, 3 weeks, its going to become a habit you will never regret adopting!

Tears

To love, to care, in my eyes

Is to make myself vulnerable

To give someone the power to make me sad

I love to trust, and  trust to love

And yet I set myself up  to

Fail

Hurt

Cry

I wish it was easy to be strong,

Independent

Live this life alone
Yet I was not made for this

I was made to care, deep and honest

I will cry my tears in silence,

One last time.

I have to find it in myself to be strong, to protect

To guard myself, my heart, my tears

For someone worthy

Someone to care

Someone who will never want to make me cry.

About Giving and DOING

The other day a friend posted something on social media about reciprocated love, and my comment made me catch a wake-up. I told him to give love to those that really need it, children, animals, the elderly that have far too little love in their life.

Not long after, I saw an advert for the South African Children's Home who is asking for people to join their team for the annual cycle tour for a fund raiser. This happened at a time where I went through a time of crisis myself and I was so absorbed about my own feelings of rejection and unrequited love.

That day I decided to follow my own advice and start giving my love to others. I signed up to join the cycling team, although I can hardly cycle 20km, and this is a 105km event. At least there is still time left to get change into a #FitCharlotte and raise the necessary funds. I have some ideas on the funding, and started training on the gym's little hamster bike. Over time, I hope to reach a place where I can go on the day and finish the ride in a decent time, since I don't fancy spending 5 hours on a bike.

Who are you giving your love to?

Dreaming of a summer holiday

On a cool, grey afternoon, I stare out of my office window and lament the fact that I am not on the beach in the summer somewhere.

I dream of going on exotic holidays to Morocco, Greece, South America, India... places with cultures and colours, such a different world. I even asked my HR lady how much leave I have left!

Relaxing, going on a run along a beach sounds so appealing now. Granted, running might mean going absolutely red in my face and walking half the way, but somehow I imagine running, with nothing really in your head aside from the rhythmic stride of your feet on the sand.


What do you do to relax? When I was younger I would try to play the piano, perhaps not well, but it did seem to weed out the stress of the day. Other times I would spend reading. I recently started reading a new book and now all i want is to go home and reading a chapter in the bath while the water gets cold. I also want to sit under a blanket and watch old school Romantic Comedies  with a cup of steaming coffee, perhaps even wipe away a happy tear as the crazy situation comes to a resolution.

I often find that this life doesn't allow us much time to take time out, and it is very important. We can't always go on a holiday, but without some switch off time, we are going to burn out. This has detrimental effects on our health, our friendships and relationships. While social media and technology makes our world smaller in a sense, it also has a way of disconnecting us from our time out.

Take time out, relax and do something you always love doing, but you think you don't have the time for. Phone that friend that lives far away, read that book that you've been meaning to get into, do something for YOU.

Good habit #2 Get enough sleep

When is the last time you woke up by yourself, without the need of an alarm clock, feeling refreshed and bright. Imagine waking up without an alarm clock and without the need for a caffeine kick to get us into a functional state.

It is a luxury we think we cannot afford. Yet, sleep is the time when the body goes through the necessary steps to recover from whatever tasks we put it through. While we sleep, the sub conscious processes information and the brain sorts the information obtained in the day. When we are sick or hurt, sleep is the best medicine to give the body's natural system the chance it needs to heal itself.
Sleep is not a luxury, it is a necessity. When we get enough sleep, we wake up in a better state of mind. The body can function at its best and the mind can do amazing things.

So, how does one go about getting enough sleep?

The trick is time management, or to be blunt, to stop wasting time. how many hours do we mindlessly stare at the TV without seeing anything that is of interest. How often do we browse the Internet or fiddle with a smart phone, without getting any benefit from it.

It is part of life, of course, but if we cut down on the time wasters, we have lots of time for value adding things.

An easy way to change your sleep pattern, of to create a routine for sufficient sleep. The exact amount of hours every person needs differs, but 7 or 8 hours might be a good start.

Decide on the time you want to wake up at, and go to bed the set amount of hours before. It might feel crazy to go to bed 2 hours earlier than usual, but give it a go.

Plan what you need to do before going to bed, and try to get it done. Set your alarm clock for the time, and then switch your smartphone to silent, or off. Put it out of reach, and close your eyes.

Falling asleep earlier might be hard at first. Perhaps try some meditation and focus on your breathing. Clear your head of runaway thoughts. The benefit of getting the "have to" things dive early, if that you don't have to worry about it when you go to bed.

Slow cooker stew

It is winter on my side of the world, and I don't know about you, but I love a hearty stew or a soup! So with this in mind I bought a slow cooker the other day, and I can't think why I didn't do this earlier.

On Sunday I made lamb a stew, as a sort of maiden voyage, and I was very pleased with the result. The recipe is as follows:

One medium onion, chopped
about 600g of stewing lamb, with little fat and little bones
3 leeks, chopped into rings
3 carrots, cleaned and chopped into rings
6 baby marrows, chopped into rings
1 medium potato in smallish chunks
1 small head of cauliflower, broken into florets
1 small head of broccoli, broken into florets
2 cups of cherry tomatoes, halved
3 cups of veg stock
Salt, Pepper, Garlic flakes, Coriander to taste

I left it on the high setting for 4 hours and on low for another 2 hours. Before serving I stirred in some Miso, my favourite additive for savoury flavour and goodness.

This made enough for 3 people, and to pack lunch for 2. Will definitely make more of these.
 
Do you have a favourite slow cooker recipes?

B+

Yes, its cheesy, but it is so important to BE POSITIVE! Do not underestimate the power of the human spirit, mind and body. Whatever you think might be holding you back, can be overcome. If it can't be overcome, get around it.

When I was 10 years old, I could only speak Afrikaans. We moved to an area of the country where the main language was English, and my first swimming lesson went like this:

Coach:                   Are you new? What is your name?

Little Me:                Yes. Charlotte.

Coach:                   And your surname?

Little Me:                Charlotte.

Coach:                   Nevermind. Just swim 20 laps.

Around the same period, this conversation took place in English Class

Teacher:                Write this sentence in the past tense?

Little Me:                What is a tense?

Class:                     Hahahahahahaha

But circumstances is the best teacher and 2 years later I joined the English First language class, and by the time I finished school I did well enough in both languages that sometimes I don't really notice which one I am busy reading or writing.

I had a point... The point was that your attitude about something makes a huge difference about the outcome. To quote Captain Jack Sparrow:

"The problem is not the problem. Your problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?"

Health Buzz

For the last few years, I have been trying to live a healthier life. Some days more seriously, than others. I have however decided to intensify efforts in order to become a fitter, leaner, stronger version of me, by signing up for a 3 month program, called 360XBT. I have done 2 previous "seasons" of this program, and while I will be the first to admit I didn’t completely give my full attention lately, I have seen amazing results from acquaintances and friends, no photo shop was required. For myself I have discovered my own strength and limits. I have also had a change to discover how I let life get in the way of life and hopefully that can help me to overcome it. I do know that it has completely changed my way of thinking about “healthy”. So welcome to the new and improved Health Buzz!

The basic principle on how I want to live my healthy life is about eating whole, natural food that is good for you, while focusing on a functional training program that makes you strong for the daily tasks of life. Since doing the program I could do things that previously seemed like the realm of fitness fanatics.

So my training plan now includes full body resistance training workouts, as well as some cardio workouts. In my case I prefer spinning and I want to try some boxing related fitness workouts. Weekends I intend to do some outdoor fitness things, perhaps a trail run, mountain bike excursion, trying some rock climbing (that can be indoors as well) and some group workouts.

A regular reader of this blog may find that I gush on about this every now and then. I might post a recipe that I enjoyed, or one or two of my good habits might be health buzz related, but not all, I promise. I might even get into a long inspirational pep talk vibe, so be warned. At the same time I am equally interested in all the other things that make up my life. Please keep telling me what you would like to read about, and let’s make it happen!

Good Habit #1 Drink your water

There is a lot of research that tells us it is good to drink enough water. Some people even suggest that when you crave sweet things, you are actually thirsty. I have heard various sources cite different numbers, but I am pretty sure it is more than the few sips I drink on some winters days. I guess there is a perfect number for every person, but this number will depend on whatever your daily activity, the weather conditions and all sorts of other factors. 

In summer drinking lots of water is not a problem for me. On days where I count, I have noted that I can drink more than 8 glasses quite easily. The problem comes in when it is cold outside and all I really want to drink is coffee and hot chocolate.

So the first good habit I want to nurture is to drink lots of fresh water, in spite of it being winter outside. My strategy is this:
Every time I drink a glass of water, I will draw a smiley face in my diary. Hopefully by the time I leave work, I will have at least 5 smileys in the diary.

I can follow this up with one glass when I get home, and one before bed time. If I have one as I wake up as well, that brings me to 8.  Quite easily done, right? Right?

Drink up! And let me know how this goes for you!

Good habit idea bank

Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life, and I'm feeling good.... ~ Feeling Good: Nina Simone

Every year there's a host of new years resolutions, all of us want to turn over a new leaf, and be the person deep down we want to be. This differs from losing that excess 50kg, stopping smoking, being nice to the narfy guy at work, or remembering to take a grocery bag to the shop. One year I resolved to learn to walk properly in high heeled shoes, and succeeded! But this is not always the case.

Still the human brain is an amazing thing, and we are capable of learning new skills, habits and tricks. We just need to find a way to unlock this. Teaching an old dog new tricks and all that.

So the idea is this:

It takes approximately 3 weeks create a good habit. So we will tackle them one by one. But since we are amazing human beings who are capable of doing more than one thing at a time, I am going to suggest a new idea as often as every week every week. If you already do this, super well done. If not, and you feel up to it, you can try it with me for the first week. The second week we carry on doing it while staring something new. By week 3, we should be able to do it a bit easier than at the start, so we can start something new again. After 3 weeks the first one is a habit already, so we have freed up enough space for another good habit.

Because lets face it, if we didn't have something we wish we had done better, we might as well award ourselves a gold medal and stop living.

As seasons change..

Mornings are darker and when I wake up there is a chill in the air. We had a few cool days which had a feeling of winter. Luckily it is followed by the promised few last days of summer weather. May it continue a few more!

So by this time of the year, the initial eagerness of the new years resolutionists wear off, and by now it is time when the sprinters get separated from the marathoners. Some of us decided to lose weight, some decide to chase our dreams, some decide to enter an endurance race or catch up with long lost love ones.

As the season changes, its time do re-evaluate. Are you going to renew your resolutions, or tweak it to account for the change in wisdom? 

Whatever you do, do not give up on your dreams.

When heroes fall

Hi When our heroes fall, it feels like a personal insult. They used to be someone we look up to, we admire, even model our motivation around. And then... They disappoint us. And the media has a field day with it. But why? So often we forget that even if someone has achieved greatness in a field, they are still human and fallible after all. Often their achievements are limited to a specific field, and outside of that they may have shortcomings like the rest of us. Just because someone is a good athlete didn't mean they are by default a good person. The temptation and struggle of everyday life is just as real for them. The only difference is that the world is looking, waiting for them to make a mistake. But why? Personally I feel bad for admiring someone who have made some pretty bad choices. As if I should have somehow known that they are intrinsically flawed. Perhaps there is a deeper thing, perhaps we believe that if our heroes can fail so miserably, what chances do we, mere mortals have to succeed. I think the answer is: we have so much more going for us. Without the need to be the absolute best, or the expectation that we should be infallible, we have an opportunity to spread our wings and fly. And if we belly flop a few times along the way, well, we don't have such a big audience. Every time you look up to a hero, remember that they are mere mortals like you and I. They have the same chances as we do. The only difference is that they have a bigger audience when they belly flop.

Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life

And I am feeling good! ~ Nina Simone (and others)

So the festive season has come and gone, and the one or two posts that I did compose got lost in technology translation... So here I am, and a happy new year to you too!

Each new beginning has an air of freshness to it, the promise of something great. Yes, it may in reality be no different than the day before it, but in my case at least, I have had a long break from my usual life and had some time to reflect and relax and consume more than a moderate amount of custard cookies. 

So my goals for the year? To simplify my life. I have lots of other things I want to achieve, such as complete the Cape Argus cycle tour and to finally be able to do a pull-up. And to cook a simple, nutritious and delicious meal every day, but most of all, I want simplicity.

No more clutter in my life, stuff that take up space, literally and figuratively. 

Why bother with people who complicate your life, if they are not going to make it better in any way? 

Why keep things that broken toaster that you always intend to fix but never get round to it? Fix it or throw it out. Simple. 

The consumer culture and the money making industry that surrounds it, was never more visible than over the holiday season and for the first time it irked me how we are duped into spending money we don't want to spend, on things we think we need. 

I digress. May this year be filled with goodness, and blessings and the things that really matter.