Two broken humans

The problem with relationships, is that it involves two people.And the problem with people, is that we are all broken humans.

Love is gentle, love is kind, love is amazing, love is all encompassing. Love is perfect, but we are not.

I used to believe that love conquers all. And it does. Divine love conquers all. The love of God conquers all. That is a love that is willing to die for us.

We, broken, hurt humans, we have a problem with love. We expect to get more than we give. We have a picture of love, an idea of what love is supposed to be. We want a romantic comedy, we want Hugh Grant and Sandra Bullock to fall in love in the streets of some romantic city and then everything should magically work out, because, you know, love conquers all!

Only, its not like that. We are broken humans, we each have our own drama and hurt and a truckload of baggage.We each come with a dream, and an idea of what we want love to be, but in reality we are expecting a unicorn.

Sadly, there is no such thing as a unicorn. As life wears on, we learn that the divide between our romantic comedy and the reality is getting bigger and bigger. We have to make a decision of the relationship is worth the effort of finding the middle ground. And it is effort. We, broken humans that we are, have to make an effort, every time.

The closest we can get to "love conquers all" is to work hard, every single day to understand, and hopefully channel the Divine love of God.

As we say in Afrikaans: Niks wat die moeite werd is, is nie moeite nie.

Muscle Memory and Music

Today I sang in a choir performance, for an hour long, on a piece of music I only practiced once before this year. I think it went quite well. I did sing it years ago, and knew it well then. I just didn't think I'd be able to hit the high notes.

The other day I was playing violin (not very well, but I enjoy playing anyway) and I stumbled across a piece that I played, in a slightly different version, a long time ago. While my fingers were rusty overall, the moment I got to the familiar piece, it was like it clicked into action and my fingers found their way on their own. The muscle memory operated and did its own thing.

There are few things that get so ingrained in your life that it becomes natural to do it. This kind of thing makes me quite happy. The fact that doing something so intricate has become a natural part of me, as well as the fact that I enjoyed something enough to do it enough times to turn it into muscle memory. Makes you wonder why I ever stopped!

Stuff that completely fills up your mind

I did not grow up a sporty person, I always considered myself more of a "culture vulture". But as the years walked on, I became more and more interested in active stuff, sporty stuff, if you will. I still don't play netball, but I dabble in things like mountain biking, rock climbing, surfing, boxing.

Currently I am doing an 3 month boxing fitness class and I am loving it! This morning I had coffee with a good friend and one of the trainers of the class, and we talked about what a mind set it is to concentrate on your next move, and combination of punches as called out by the coach. All of this while doing everything else, like keeping your hands in the place where they protect you and keeping your stance right.

I think the secret is that when you do something like boxing (and possibly dancing) and a number of other sports, it consumes your mind to such a level that you forget to get tired. For me one of the best things about all the activities mentioned above, is that they fill up your entire mine. If you don't pay attention to what you are doing, you will get yourself into a fix of some sort.

These type of activities, to me, are some of the most relaxing things available. For that while, you completely exhaust your body, but at the same time engage your mind in the moment, so you don't have time to dwell on the past or the future. The wonderful after effect is a blissful rest afterwards, the feeling that you achieved something, used your body and mind, and often, made some memories too!

Good habit # 3 Remember the essentials

Keys, wallet, cell phone, glasses

How often do we rush around madly in search of one or more of the above? It makes you late and puts you in a bad mood. Knowing where these are will generally make life a little less rushed in the morning and bring a bit of peace into a life that can get quite chaotic at times.

The thing is not that we forget where we put them, but actually that we never remembered where we put them. When we enter the house on a regular day, we don’t think what we do with the keys, it just goes down on the kitchen counter when we put the groceries down, or onto the bed with the jacket that is no longer worn. This morning I found my car keys in the pocket of yesterdays jeans!

So the first step in avoiding some additional craziness, would be to think where we actually put the keys / wallet / cell phone / glasses. If we make a conscious effort of taking note where we put it, it makes life a lot easier.

Another way around the problem, is to find a dedicated place for these things. My dad uses his nightstand. Some people have a key rack with a lot of little hooks. At my previous house I had a fruit bowl that never had any fruit in it, but it was my go-to place for leaving the essentials. Whatever works for you and fits into your life

Whether you just remember what you did with your keys, or whether you leave it in the fruitbowl, if you do this for a week, two weeks, 3 weeks, its going to become a habit you will never regret adopting!

Tears

To love, to care, in my eyes

Is to make myself vulnerable

To give someone the power to make me sad

I love to trust, and  trust to love

And yet I set myself up  to

Fail

Hurt

Cry

I wish it was easy to be strong,

Independent

Live this life alone
Yet I was not made for this

I was made to care, deep and honest

I will cry my tears in silence,

One last time.

I have to find it in myself to be strong, to protect

To guard myself, my heart, my tears

For someone worthy

Someone to care

Someone who will never want to make me cry.

About Giving and DOING

The other day a friend posted something on social media about reciprocated love, and my comment made me catch a wake-up. I told him to give love to those that really need it, children, animals, the elderly that have far too little love in their life.

Not long after, I saw an advert for the South African Children's Home who is asking for people to join their team for the annual cycle tour for a fund raiser. This happened at a time where I went through a time of crisis myself and I was so absorbed about my own feelings of rejection and unrequited love.

That day I decided to follow my own advice and start giving my love to others. I signed up to join the cycling team, although I can hardly cycle 20km, and this is a 105km event. At least there is still time left to get change into a #FitCharlotte and raise the necessary funds. I have some ideas on the funding, and started training on the gym's little hamster bike. Over time, I hope to reach a place where I can go on the day and finish the ride in a decent time, since I don't fancy spending 5 hours on a bike.

Who are you giving your love to?

Dreaming of a summer holiday

On a cool, grey afternoon, I stare out of my office window and lament the fact that I am not on the beach in the summer somewhere.

I dream of going on exotic holidays to Morocco, Greece, South America, India... places with cultures and colours, such a different world. I even asked my HR lady how much leave I have left!

Relaxing, going on a run along a beach sounds so appealing now. Granted, running might mean going absolutely red in my face and walking half the way, but somehow I imagine running, with nothing really in your head aside from the rhythmic stride of your feet on the sand.


What do you do to relax? When I was younger I would try to play the piano, perhaps not well, but it did seem to weed out the stress of the day. Other times I would spend reading. I recently started reading a new book and now all i want is to go home and reading a chapter in the bath while the water gets cold. I also want to sit under a blanket and watch old school Romantic Comedies  with a cup of steaming coffee, perhaps even wipe away a happy tear as the crazy situation comes to a resolution.

I often find that this life doesn't allow us much time to take time out, and it is very important. We can't always go on a holiday, but without some switch off time, we are going to burn out. This has detrimental effects on our health, our friendships and relationships. While social media and technology makes our world smaller in a sense, it also has a way of disconnecting us from our time out.

Take time out, relax and do something you always love doing, but you think you don't have the time for. Phone that friend that lives far away, read that book that you've been meaning to get into, do something for YOU.